Yesterday, I heard of a grandmother whose son is behaving badly enough to encourage her daughter-in-law to leave. The son's mother is now faced with the fact that grandparents have no clear-cut rights to access their grandchildren. And, twenty years on, this sends a chill down my spine.
When my former husband was behaving badly enough to need divorcing, I made the decision to continue to include my mother-in-law in the family loop. Although she had little time for me, she loved the children absolutely and I felt that to cut off the whole of 'his' family would have been to give my children the sense that 'half' of them was hateful to me. It wasn't. So they grew up - in the company of an extended family from both sides - totally aware of what unconditional love means. I'm glad I did. We were enriched by the support.
Currently, grandparents are still having to wait and see - although courts are coming round to a more sympathetic view of their cases. So I advise keeping things as informal as possible with the parent in charge of the children's timetables. The trick is to communicate directly and non-judgementally - very important - your desire to remain part of the children's lives.
But, if the parent in charge seems to want to be difficult, take early legal advice so you can understand your options and avoid making a delicate situation worse.
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Monday, 12 January 2009
Write a road-map for 2009!
However bad the Old Year – and for some of us 2008 was grim - New Year’s Day dawns and the spirits lift because New Year holds infinite possibility. It’s a time when we believe we can choose what we’ll write on the blank page of the year before us. We dare to hope for better.
For writers, this could mean the Year of Publication. Why should this be important enough to feature? Well, we’re not writing in a vacuum. We want someone, somewhere, to share what we put on the page and, as a result, to understand us better. That’s why we put so much effort into ploughing what can, at times, seem a lonely furrow!
But how can you make 2009 the Year of Publication?
Some writers start the New Year bristling with diaries, ‘road maps’ and post-it notes – lending a writing project the air of a military offensive. If you favour this style – and many do - your writing goals may benefit from the strong-minded application of management principles.
The SMART formula is currently popular. Begin by asking yourself:
1) Is my writing goal Specific? (What form(s) of writing do I want to work on? A novel? A radio play? The ultimate letter of complaint? )
2) How will I Measure my success? (Will I, for example, hold my published book in my hand by the second August Bank Holiday?)
3) Am I Able to produce this piece of writing? (Or do I need more training?)
4) Is this piece of writing Relevant to what I am and what I want from my life in 2009? (And does writing mesh well with my other hopes and aspirations at this time?)
5) What is my Time-line for this goal? (Deadlines work wonders for some.)
And, once you’ve shaped your 2009 writing goal, you have then consciously to commit to the process. Here the GROW model, taken from management, can act as a facilitating pattern - perhaps for a coaching session.
In this, you discover:
What is your Goal for 2009?
What is REALLY going on for you at the moment?
What OPTIONS have you?
Do you have the WILL to achieve your goal?
According to American Society of Training and Development, conscious commitment enhances your chances of success. And the probability of success, they say, ranges from 25% - if you decide to do something - to 50% if you plan how you will do it, to 95% if you ‘have a specific accountability appointment’ with an independent person. Sounds like another argument for coaching to me!
But keeping yourself on track – particularly during the long haul of writing a book - may take a little bit more magic. We all need a trick or two to overcome wobbles of confidence or energy. And some of these may be more hi-tech than others.
For instance, to inspire himself, one writer – admittedly a computer buff - created a mock-up of ‘the book’. Strongly responsive to the visual, he took special care over the choice of cover picture. And it works for him.
But, you don’t have to go to these lengths.
Take yourself to a book shop and indulge in a browse. Find the book which - in appearance, texture and smell – is closest to what you’d like your finished book to be. This is an image of your future success. You can now refer to it, giving yourself heart whenever your writing project hits the doldrums. Cherish your ‘book’. In NLP terms, anchor it.
Goal-setting may make you feel confident that 2009 will indeed be your Year of Publication. Thinking about cover pictures may sustain you through the first few weeks of the New Year. But later you may hit a seriously low patch. And - somewhere around the time when Hogmanay has paled in memory and the publication date of August Bank Holiday seems chimaeric – you may need a kick-start.
Now is the time to be bold. If you usually write articles on financial services, throw caution to the wind and write a poem. If you’ve been writing your novel through the eyes of the handsome hero, switch the viewpoint to that of an elderly aunt on a visit. Even if you don’t stay with it, the new perspective will refresh you.
Of course, you could choose not make any New Year resolutions at all - writing or otherwise. This approach has a New Age serendipity about it and seems - if nothing else - peaceful. Think of all that time, that release from pressure. . . But, there again . . .
Good luck with your project!
For writers, this could mean the Year of Publication. Why should this be important enough to feature? Well, we’re not writing in a vacuum. We want someone, somewhere, to share what we put on the page and, as a result, to understand us better. That’s why we put so much effort into ploughing what can, at times, seem a lonely furrow!
But how can you make 2009 the Year of Publication?
Some writers start the New Year bristling with diaries, ‘road maps’ and post-it notes – lending a writing project the air of a military offensive. If you favour this style – and many do - your writing goals may benefit from the strong-minded application of management principles.
The SMART formula is currently popular. Begin by asking yourself:
1) Is my writing goal Specific? (What form(s) of writing do I want to work on? A novel? A radio play? The ultimate letter of complaint? )
2) How will I Measure my success? (Will I, for example, hold my published book in my hand by the second August Bank Holiday?)
3) Am I Able to produce this piece of writing? (Or do I need more training?)
4) Is this piece of writing Relevant to what I am and what I want from my life in 2009? (And does writing mesh well with my other hopes and aspirations at this time?)
5) What is my Time-line for this goal? (Deadlines work wonders for some.)
And, once you’ve shaped your 2009 writing goal, you have then consciously to commit to the process. Here the GROW model, taken from management, can act as a facilitating pattern - perhaps for a coaching session.
In this, you discover:
What is your Goal for 2009?
What is REALLY going on for you at the moment?
What OPTIONS have you?
Do you have the WILL to achieve your goal?
According to American Society of Training and Development, conscious commitment enhances your chances of success. And the probability of success, they say, ranges from 25% - if you decide to do something - to 50% if you plan how you will do it, to 95% if you ‘have a specific accountability appointment’ with an independent person. Sounds like another argument for coaching to me!
But keeping yourself on track – particularly during the long haul of writing a book - may take a little bit more magic. We all need a trick or two to overcome wobbles of confidence or energy. And some of these may be more hi-tech than others.
For instance, to inspire himself, one writer – admittedly a computer buff - created a mock-up of ‘the book’. Strongly responsive to the visual, he took special care over the choice of cover picture. And it works for him.
But, you don’t have to go to these lengths.
Take yourself to a book shop and indulge in a browse. Find the book which - in appearance, texture and smell – is closest to what you’d like your finished book to be. This is an image of your future success. You can now refer to it, giving yourself heart whenever your writing project hits the doldrums. Cherish your ‘book’. In NLP terms, anchor it.
Goal-setting may make you feel confident that 2009 will indeed be your Year of Publication. Thinking about cover pictures may sustain you through the first few weeks of the New Year. But later you may hit a seriously low patch. And - somewhere around the time when Hogmanay has paled in memory and the publication date of August Bank Holiday seems chimaeric – you may need a kick-start.
Now is the time to be bold. If you usually write articles on financial services, throw caution to the wind and write a poem. If you’ve been writing your novel through the eyes of the handsome hero, switch the viewpoint to that of an elderly aunt on a visit. Even if you don’t stay with it, the new perspective will refresh you.
Of course, you could choose not make any New Year resolutions at all - writing or otherwise. This approach has a New Age serendipity about it and seems - if nothing else - peaceful. Think of all that time, that release from pressure. . . But, there again . . .
Good luck with your project!
Monday, 29 December 2008
The New You!
I usually find people - writers or otherwise - take the opportunity to make a New Year's resolution which somehow involves the words 'diet' and 'detox'. This of course would not be necessary if we were not already overloading on Christmas feasting and, of course, the sensible thing to do would be not to overload in the first place. But - given the temptations - I suppose we can expect to falter a little.
At this point, writers - like other sedentary folk - need to take care. Similarly, people undergoing major stress - divorce, separation, serious illness diagnosis, redundancy - whatever - you take the point - need to avoid the comfort of the chelsea bun.
So what to do?
For a start, the British Dietetic Association offers 5 New Year diet resolution tips. These include:
• Drink sensibly. 6-8 glasses of fluid, or about 1.5 - 2 litres per day is enough for most people
• Keep a diet diary for a week – be honest and record everything, then have a look at the areas where you can make changes
• If you need to make changes to your diet do so gradually – make small changes that you can stick to (e.g. eat one extra portion of veg or fruit each day, or have breakfast daily)
• Plan your meals – make a shopping list based on the meals you plan to have for the week ahead – it will also save money as you’ll be less likely to waste food
• Visit the BDA’s website www.bdaweightwise.com for free resources, meal plans, and strategies to improve your nutritional health.
Just a thought.
Happy New Year! Happier New You!
Love
Lizzie Gates
At this point, writers - like other sedentary folk - need to take care. Similarly, people undergoing major stress - divorce, separation, serious illness diagnosis, redundancy - whatever - you take the point - need to avoid the comfort of the chelsea bun.
So what to do?
For a start, the British Dietetic Association offers 5 New Year diet resolution tips. These include:
• Drink sensibly. 6-8 glasses of fluid, or about 1.5 - 2 litres per day is enough for most people
• Keep a diet diary for a week – be honest and record everything, then have a look at the areas where you can make changes
• If you need to make changes to your diet do so gradually – make small changes that you can stick to (e.g. eat one extra portion of veg or fruit each day, or have breakfast daily)
• Plan your meals – make a shopping list based on the meals you plan to have for the week ahead – it will also save money as you’ll be less likely to waste food
• Visit the BDA’s website www.bdaweightwise.com for free resources, meal plans, and strategies to improve your nutritional health.
Just a thought.
Happy New Year! Happier New You!
Love
Lizzie Gates
Saturday, 20 December 2008
Naturally, just before Christmas, I find myself laid low by some currently fashionable virus. So - pause for thought. Most of the preps are done. I could force myself - coughing and weeping - to trail round the shops again. But why?
Christmas for me is not a godless time. It begins with the Christmas Eve Service at Chester Cathedral - all carols and candles, and memories of people, now gone, who loved Christmas and shared that with me. And the life-affirming mystery of the Word of God.
I'm Friday's Child, loving and giving. So Christmas is just right for me. It's one of those opportunities when you can still smile at strangers and outpour your own natural warmth - without being regarded as a suspicious character with a hidden agenda.
And, no, I don't care that I haven't a new sofa!
Happy Christmas, everyone!
Christmas for me is not a godless time. It begins with the Christmas Eve Service at Chester Cathedral - all carols and candles, and memories of people, now gone, who loved Christmas and shared that with me. And the life-affirming mystery of the Word of God.
I'm Friday's Child, loving and giving. So Christmas is just right for me. It's one of those opportunities when you can still smile at strangers and outpour your own natural warmth - without being regarded as a suspicious character with a hidden agenda.
And, no, I don't care that I haven't a new sofa!
Happy Christmas, everyone!
Sunday, 14 December 2008
Saturday, 13 December 2008
The Role of the Arts in Medical Education
This autumn I’ve been working assiduously on a rather fine development among Lonely Furrow Company activities. Many, many people have expressed keen interest in these co-designed creativity workshops, my so-called Out of the Box Workshops. Targetting specific groups, each Out of the Box Workshop has a clearly-stated and totally-focussed aim.
At the moment, I am particularly excited by the prospect of running these with Tomorrow's Doctors! The medical profession, itself, is greatly concerned about aligning itself with the needs, hopes and expectations of its patients. And, as you read this, the General Medical Council is consulting on the kind of doctors medical education should aim to produce. (To take part in the consultation visit www.gmc-uk.org/tomorrowsdoctors.) The Medical Schools’ Council have also just published their 2008 Conference consensus statement on the role of the 21st Century Doctor (To see the statement, click on http://www.medschools.ac.uk/news.htm ).This impulse appears more Hippocratic than ‘free-market’ and is – in my view as a patient (sometimes) and lay observer (always) – very welcome indeed!
But, as a coach and creative workshop facilitator, you may ask, why am I getting involved?
Well, I've been looking at the work of Robin Downie (University of Glasgow Professor of Moral Philosophy) and Dr Jane Macnaughton (University of Durham Centre for Arts & Humanities in Health and Medicine).
And Robin Downie,in his chapter in Creative Writing in Health & Social Care 2004, indicates that creative writing and reading can help medical practitioners (and ultimately their patients) by developing:
1.Transferable skills such as:
a) an ability to write clear English
b) sensitivity to the nuances, ambiguities etc to be found in normal conversation
c) an ability to see connections between apparently disparate situations
2. Self awareness which has the added benefit of safe-guarding against emotional burn-out.
As it happens, co-incidentally, Lonely Furrow Company creativity programmes also have these outcomes as central to their aims. It's a small world, isn't it?
At the moment, I am particularly excited by the prospect of running these with Tomorrow's Doctors! The medical profession, itself, is greatly concerned about aligning itself with the needs, hopes and expectations of its patients. And, as you read this, the General Medical Council is consulting on the kind of doctors medical education should aim to produce. (To take part in the consultation visit www.gmc-uk.org/tomorrowsdoctors.) The Medical Schools’ Council have also just published their 2008 Conference consensus statement on the role of the 21st Century Doctor (To see the statement, click on http://www.medschools.ac.uk/news.htm ).This impulse appears more Hippocratic than ‘free-market’ and is – in my view as a patient (sometimes) and lay observer (always) – very welcome indeed!
But, as a coach and creative workshop facilitator, you may ask, why am I getting involved?
Well, I've been looking at the work of Robin Downie (University of Glasgow Professor of Moral Philosophy) and Dr Jane Macnaughton (University of Durham Centre for Arts & Humanities in Health and Medicine).
And Robin Downie,in his chapter in Creative Writing in Health & Social Care 2004, indicates that creative writing and reading can help medical practitioners (and ultimately their patients) by developing:
1.Transferable skills such as:
a) an ability to write clear English
b) sensitivity to the nuances, ambiguities etc to be found in normal conversation
c) an ability to see connections between apparently disparate situations
2. Self awareness which has the added benefit of safe-guarding against emotional burn-out.
As it happens, co-incidentally, Lonely Furrow Company creativity programmes also have these outcomes as central to their aims. It's a small world, isn't it?
Friday, 5 December 2008
Acting out the awfulness!
I want to tell you about an amazing workshop I've been to recently. Its theme was the use of psychodramatic techniques in sociodrama. Have I lost you yet? Doesn't sound a bundle of laughs, does it? But it was - and an extremely effective way of setting out the stall of some social problem, together with possible solutions.
For example, one participant - she could easily have been a GP, a counsellor, a lawyer, a public sector employee, a voluntary sector manager, in fact anyone dealing with front-line social issues - came to the workshop suffering from work overload. To help her, the situation was mapped out within the performance space. All the workshop participants were given roles - acting either as building blocks of the problem or people offering support. The director and the protagonist (whose problem it was) pushed and pulled the issue - and the actors - around until a solution became clear. The protagonist was left with the anchored image of a pile of empty chairs - representing her now-emasculated problems - and an action plan - well, first step - of finding the phone number of someone who could help in future. For further information, see www.mpv-sam.com or co-director Di Adderley[diane@adderley.demon.co.uk])
I can't wait to include these techniques in my creativity workshops, which I run to promote well-being among people facing social issues. I'll keep you posted.
For example, one participant - she could easily have been a GP, a counsellor, a lawyer, a public sector employee, a voluntary sector manager, in fact anyone dealing with front-line social issues - came to the workshop suffering from work overload. To help her, the situation was mapped out within the performance space. All the workshop participants were given roles - acting either as building blocks of the problem or people offering support. The director and the protagonist (whose problem it was) pushed and pulled the issue - and the actors - around until a solution became clear. The protagonist was left with the anchored image of a pile of empty chairs - representing her now-emasculated problems - and an action plan - well, first step - of finding the phone number of someone who could help in future. For further information, see www.mpv-sam.com or co-director Di Adderley[diane@adderley.demon.co.uk])
I can't wait to include these techniques in my creativity workshops, which I run to promote well-being among people facing social issues. I'll keep you posted.
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